Insomnia Sucks.

I used to be able to fall asleep really quickly, sleep soundly through the night and actually wake up feeling like I had slept. I miss those days. Two nights ago I actually had a date with Mr. Clean and his magical erasers on my kitchen floor. The good news about this is it actually helped me get to sleep before 2 am! I went through the entire eraser on my floor. It started out as me just cleaning up some paint that dripped, then I went on to the grout. It was much needed, but I just wish I would not have had the need to do it starting at midnight.

I refuse to take anything because I am afraid it will knock me too much for me to hear Allisyn. I know this probably unfounded since I have tried some of Michael's sleeping aides before Alli came along and they did not help, that and Allisyn is still sleeping with us. It is like she has radar or something. Since her bed is lower, I honestly think she can tell if she does not stop at the level of our bed. Very rarely can we lay in her bed without her screaming. She usually doesn't even wake up, she just starts screaming!

Do we regret having her sleep with us? Not at all. If we were to do it all over again we wouldn't change a thing. If the next one comes along and we figure out it is easier on me to co-sleep with them while nursing, then we will. Don't get me wrong, we want Allisyn in her own bed, but we aren't going to be those parents who try to let their child "cry it out." That does not work for Allisyn, she doesn't just cry. She screams and gets herself so worked up she makes herself sick. So for now we continue to share our bed with the little bed hog named Alli.

In other news in our lives, Michael has not heard back from Wal-mart. It would be nice to hear something one way or another. Target does not have any openings at this time. I do not know for sure if he has actually called Wal-Greens or not. The other day he asked me what I though about him taking a night position at Wal-Greens, I quickly told him no. The way it works is they work 7 days straight, 7 off. Allisyn would not understand why daddy was home during the day yet not playing with her. So for now he is still putting up with the crap that his current job deals out. This is the first time since we have been together that I have seen him truly miserable..

Well, Allisyn is trying to learn to walk in my flip-flops and has one stuck on her leg. I must go rescue her.

Good-Bye Ugly

That is what I said to Allisyn's bathroom as I finished the painting in there yesterday! We had kind of gotten ourselves in a rut with the painting and it just kind of stopped. My SIL, Rachel, has described the walls as looking like someone had hurled up mixed sherbert. It was pretty bad. They had sponged on some green, pink, yellow, purple and you could see all those colors in there, but you could also see the ugly mixture it made on top of it all. It was gross. Now it is just one color of sherbert, orange. It did not really turn out the way I thought it was going to, but it still looks much better than what was on there. I think once I have the time (hahaha) to get in there and sand down all the wood work and repaint it to a less yellow cream it will look even better.

I also completed the kitchen and the dinning room! I now have 2 red walls in the kitchen! The dinning room is not how we had planned it, but we decided to go and paint all one color for now until we decide where we are going to put the chair rail that will divide the two tones we are going to use. So now I just have to go and pull down all the tape and all the painting that the average visitor will see is done! We still have the future nursery to paint. That will be my next project. I am wanting to get it done so I can set it up as a massage room for now. Then all that will be left is the upstairs guest room which we are not in any hurry at all to do, and our bathroom, but we are going to wait until we remodel to paint.

Our next big project will be our floors. I am so ready to get rid of this hideous carpet in our living room and on the stairs. It was stained enough when we moved in and new stains keep coming up. I think they had tried to clean some of them and they did not get them all the way up. So add their stains to ones our cats occasionally add and it getting pretty gross. I'd like to get rid of the carpet upstairs, but that will probably be a later project.

Today was my mom's bible study. It was nice. I didn't have Allisyn with me so I did not go to lunch. Michael took her to the zoo this morning. They had a good time. She napped on the way home, but woke up when they got here. She still hasn't taken a real nap and she really needs one. Soo now, I am hoping she just stays up and goes down a little early tonight. I wanted to go to church tonight, but I can't risk her getting crabby on her teachers. It is not fair to them or her when she gets like that.

Well, I know I had more that I was going to say, but since I have started this, we have blown bubbles twice. Gone out front for a bit, gone and seen the dogs for a little bit, and we are in the process of having a fit because we are so tired that we do not know what we want. Well, now we are done with out fit and a chasing a cat away from a bag that we have been playing with!! Ahhhh, the moodswings of an almost 15-month-old.

Good, Bad, and UGLY

That can pretty much describe our weekend!

Friday was the good. I got to go to a Pure Romance party at a friend's house and I took Natashia with me. Mom and Katy watched Allisyn and Michael went over to Jeremy's house to watch the game. Jeremy and Natashia just got a new 58" high def plasma TV so that was the place to be for the game. I think Michael is a wee bit envious, but he knows there is not one in our future for a looong while!

Allisyn was the perfect little angel for my mom and Katy! I was sooo happy. They said she did not fuss at all. Katy was kind of surprised because she has been hanging out here a lot and she knows how cranky she can get. Luckily for them, she did just fine. The party I went to was fun and interesting, you have to be a very special kind of person to sell Pure Romance stuff, and you get to learn a lot more about people's personal lives than you might care to know, but it was fun! I'm thinking about hosting one, because a lot of our mom's really wanted to go, but had stuff come up last minute and they couldn't make it.

Saturday we spent the day with Mam-maw and Katy. First we ran to the Farmer's Market and got some corn and peaches. Then the Dollar Tree and I got some picture frames. (I saw some of the same ones later at Target and they were trying to sell them 2/$5!!) Then we came back so Alli could take a nap, she needed it! Then we went out and ate at Friday's it was a nice lunch, then we went to Hobby Lobby and Target. Allisyn got an arc thing that kind of goes a long with her animal train. Aunt Katy told mam-maw about how she really wanted it one time when we were shopping and Mam-maw spoiled her a little.

Those were all good parts.

The bad parts, Allisyn has been having night wakings again and they haven't been pretty. I have also been battling my insomnia again. Friday night she woke up around 11 something and I had her back in bed around 1230 or so. Then mom and I stayed up til 3 talking. I just can't get to sleep some nights. Last night I was actually asleep by 1 am! (this is an improvement for me lately) The Alli was awake from 3:10-until after 4:30. We think her teeth and tummy maybe the cause, but we aren't sure. She has 4 new teeth. She skipped her eye and stomach teeth and went to the ones after them. It took us a few days to catch on, because we couldn't see them until one day she had her head tilted back and she was laughing and I caught a look of them starting to come up. So unfortunately we did not make it to church this morning. Michael tried to get me up while he got ready for work, but I was just too tired. Allisyn and I ended up sleeping until 10, which told me she would not have been pleasant at church if I would have woke her up and made her go.

The ugly was her attitude for this morning. She was cranky and whiny and screaming. I gave her Tylenol for her teeth and gas drops for her tummy. She kept trying to tell me she was hungry, but couldn't tell me what she wanted. We tried a hot dog, she took a bite and through it on the ground. We tried yogurt, she just played with it and ended up wearing most of it. She did not want cheese or her fruit chews. She dumped her Cheerios all over the living room floor and in her bedroom. She drank her milk and water, but didn't want more, then she did and after I poured her more, she didn't. It was a very frustrating day until we went out to lunch with Katy. Our lunch wasn't so good, but at least she was in a good mood while we were out! Luckily she slept on the way home and stayed asleep for a nap. I laid down with her and we were asleep until dad got home.

Then I ran out and did some grocery shopping and they went to the park. Michael said she was giving hugs to a little 4-year-old boy who was playing there as well. I bet it was cute! Then we came home and had dinner and she was trying to help herself off her dad's plate. It was really cute! Then she had a bath, and was not as happy with it as she usually is so it was cut short. She was still in a crabby mood when her dad put her to bed. It is now 11:09 and I am praying that she sleeps all through the night.

Other news, Katy starts orientation for her new job tomorrow! She is pretty excited and a little nervous. Mom should be getting her a car within the next week or so. I think everyone will be happy about that. Well, I could ramble on, but I need to go remove some cats from my counters.

It has been over 2 weeks

since I weaned Allisyn and I am so thankful that it went as well as it did! We did not have any fighting from Allisyn other than that first night. I am so relieved that it went well, now if we can just get her to sleep in her own bed.... We are working on that, but it has been a slow process.

Today I attended my second "Young Moms" bible study that our church offers on Wednesday mornings. Last week Allisyn stayed hom with dad, this week she went to the childcare provided. She did ok other than making one of the girls hold her the whole time. At 29 lbs, she gets very heavy after a while. Next time I will have to tell them to go ahead and let her cry for a bit and she will probably be fine. We also got invited to go to lunch with some of the moms who are in my Sunday school class! We had a great time and it was nice to get to know some of the girls better. I have been feeling really bummed because Michael has been playing basketball with the guys so he has gotten to know them through that, but I had not had a chance to do anything with the girls other than Kim, who I have known since college.

We had great progress with Allisyn on Sunday. She got to move up in class and I think that helped a lot. She cried a little when we dropped her off, but she was smiling and playing and waving when we picked her up! It was a beautiful sight. In morning nursery we also had good results. She was patiently waiting for us to pick her up and we got smiles and not tears. Sunday night she would start crying everytime another little boy cried, but that will happen at times.

Saturday, I gave my first massage in loooong time (approaching 2 years in Decembet :-o) My friend Kim is pregnant and is due on the 18th of Oct. and I gave her a free massage as part of her shower gift. I feel it went well, she said she felt good the next day so that is good. She had called on Thursday to set it up, and from the time of the phone call until the time I finished, I kept asking myself, "what are you thinking starting out on a pregnant woman after 20 months?" Not because I think pregnant woman are more picky or anything like that, but because you have to keep them in a side-lying position and that was never a real strong point for me. Thankfully it all went well!

My mom is coming up on Friday to watch Allisyn for me. I am going to a party at a friend's house. Originally Michael was supposed to work, but due to some switiching around of the schedules, he got Friday off, so he is going to go hang out with some of his friends and watch some football. We offered to let my mom change her plans, but she is excited about getting to baby-sit.

Other positive news: Katy got a job!! She went through 2 interviews and found out last night that she has a job for a new Staples that is going to be opening up in Edmond! She is going to start at $7.15 and hour! I told her that not counting the Guard, I have never made that much in a job. I think she is getting really started. She gets started with orientation stuff this Friday. I am still helping her out with transportation, but hopefully she can get something soon.

Michael had an interview with Wal-Mart's district pharmacy manager last week. She was going to interview 2 other people this week and the let him know. He would be splitting his shifts between 2 stores here in Edmond. He would go from 40 to 36 hours, but with what we will be saving in gas and getting in benefits it equals out ok.

Well, my little angel just came in from her nap, so I must go.

Charli's Story

While I was pregnant with Allisyn I was fortunate enough to find an online support group of mothers who were due the same time I was. We have come to form a pretty tight bond over that time and I would like to share the story of one of our July babies and what she has gone through. This month is childhood cancer awareness month and her mom asked that we spread her story to help make people aware of the need for more research.

Childhood Cancer Awareness Month September is

Childhood Cancer Awareness month. During this time, we are making it our duty to raise awareness to these horrid diseases that our children have to fight. We would like to preface this with saying that we are not looking for sympathy, however we are trying to get your attention to see what is actually going on. This is a world that many know nothing about.

In July of 2006 our daughter, Charli Ann Preister, was born. She was beautiful…had gorgeous eyes and defined eyebrows at birth! She was perfect, and came home a few days later. We enjoyed loving her and sharing her with our family. She lived with our two dogs who adored her.

When she was five months old, we noticed that she didn’t really want to roll over, and it seemed to make her down right mad! We thought nothing of this. We knew that we didn’t give her enough tummy time, and thought that she was just lazy to be honest!

Shortly before turning 7 months old, she started to “change” personality, or so we thought. I can remember it like it was yesterday – February 23rd she just acted different. When I picked her up from daycare she was crying, we all thought she must have been tired. This behavior continued for a few days. We tried everything. We fed her more, we fed her less, we tried to have her nap more, nap less. It got to the point were she wouldn’t eat and didn’t want to move at all. We thought she had an ear infection, we took her in “she looks great” we were told. We thought maybe she broke a bone somehow, we took her in “she looks fine” we heard. Finally, we were grasping at straws. We thought she had a twisted bowel, strep throat, pulled muscles, etc. We KNEW something was wrong, but we could not find it. After three weeks of being in and out of the doctors office, nights in the hospital, endless hours of crying (both Charli and us!) we took it a step further and took Charli to Children’s Hospital in Omaha, NE. We thought we had lost our bright and happy baby.

The morning we took Charli down, she was actually having a great day, it was March 14, 2007. Within a few minutes of being in the clinic, we were told that something was wrong with her, and that we would not be going home. I felt terrible, why did I wait so long to bring her here? We were told it was either a tumor or some sort, or spinal infection. After intensive blood work, we were able to rule out the infection. Later that day an MRI was done, showing a mass in Charli’s abdomen. We were told that it was “just a mass” and that they had an excellent neurosurgeon that would remove it and everything would be fine. It was more of a pain in the butt, than anything else. PRAISE THE LORD! We were so sad that she would need to have surgery in that delicate area, but we knew something was wrong, and thank God, it wasn’t worse. A few hours later, we got a call that the initial report was incorrect; it was most likely a cancerous tumor. We were told that our daughter had cancer, and it was probably neuroblastoma.

That evening we met with a team of doctors to discuss what would need to be done. Charli’s tumor had wrapped around her spine, and had even started to grow into her spinal canal. On March 16, Charli had her first surgery, the biopsy. We had to wait a week for the final results to come in. On March 22, we received the call. Yes, Charli does have neuroblastoma, stage III, intermediate risk. We were told that chemo would be starting the next day.

We have a great oncology team in Omaha and although we had a rocky start, we couldn’t ask for better care.

Charli had her port put in and bone marrows checked on March 23. The next day, she had her first round of chemo. This was tough weekend for Chad, Charli and I. We were learning about the relentless disease and what could be ahead of us - hearing horror stories, and absolute miracles. We finally came home the next week.

We had to take Charli in to get her blood work done twice a week, at our local hospital. They were great with her. To be honest, she was great for them too! I think she only cried once when they did her blood work…and she was poked probably close to 20 times overall in that office. She is so strong. Chad and I also had to give Charli a shot each night for about 7-12 days after each treatment. It wasn’t fun to give the shot, but it was almost an out of body experience. To be honest, the entire ordeal has been that way. We did what we needed to do.

Every three weeks we loaded up the car and headed to Omaha for the weekend, filling bags of toys, clothes, and magazines for mom and dad. We were fortunate that the doctors let us do Charli’s treatment over the weekends. This allowed Chad to work as much as possible, and allowed my adjusted work schedule to be unaffected. We would leave early Friday morning and get back Sunday evening.

The worst treatment for Charli was the second cycle of chemo. She got sick and was not herself. The week after being released from treatment, we were down in Omaha again with high temperatures. Charli received her first and only blood transfusion. After each treatment, we could see improvement. She started to want to eat again after the first treatment, but after the second, she lost the desire again. She started eating really well several weeks ago, and now she is a great eater! She lost her hair, although some people still say that she didn’t! (trust me, she did!). At the time, we felt like she was doing great. But, to look back at pictures of her during treatment – you can see it in her eyes…she was almost hallow. She looked pale, sick, and just not “Charli”. It literally breaks my heart to look at those pictures; even now, that she is doing so well. She was a different baby, and I know it was from the chemo – although that is what made her better, it made her ‘worse’ at the same time.

We were told that she would require four treatments, but would most likely need eight total. After four treatments, we were scheduled for scans (MRI) the weekend of what would have been her fifth treatment. Once getting down there, the Dr. decided that in order to be 100% of what our next move should be, we should schedule Charli for a CT scan. After doing this, we consulted with the Dr. about the results. We found out that her tumor shrunk considerably. However, the tumor was still located on her spin. At this point we did not know if it was active or not, and surgery was not an option. Chad and I had the grueling decision of what to do next. We could continue treatment hoping that it would shrink the tumor and/or pull it off her spine; maybe even enough to surgically remove the remaining tumor. However this option did not guarantee anything, it was possible that with treatment the tumor would stay the same. Or, we could do nothing. Just sit and wait? This didn’t sound like a very good option to us, to do nothing. But, after talking it over we decided that the risks of unnecessary chemo were far greater than the risks of closely monitoring her for change. As it stands we go see the doctor every six weeks for scans and/or check ups. So far, we have been beyond blessed with success. Having said that, neuroblastoma is a disease than can literally strike at anytime – and I am not sure we will ever feel safe again.

So here we are. September 2007, Childhood Cancer Awareness month. Charli is walking, crawling, rolling, falling, playing, eating, drinking, dancing, loving, and doing everything a child her age should be doing. She is amazing, and truly my hero. Even when she didn’t feel good, her desire to WANT to feel good overpowered her sickness.

I know this was a long story, but I NEED you to understand this. This isn’t just “a child” that has cancer…it is OUR child, OUR baby, OUR daughter, OUR Charli. This is someone’s granddaughter, niece, cousin, neighbor, friend, and family. This is Charli, and she has neuroblastoma. Honestly, if something is not done for our children who have cancer, our future is literally going to die before our eyes. Childhood cancer is the number one killer of children, greater than all other childhood illnesses COMBINED. And yet, there is practically no funding for it. If we can raise the awareness that it deserves, this will change. Once this happens, research can be funded and a cure found.

There are a ton of breath-taking statistics out there about the lack of funding, the enormous about of children who will be diagnosed with cancer this year, and the number of children who will die because of cancer this year.

This community we have become a part of, Childhood Cancer warriors, has not had a new drug introduced for more than 20 years. Yet, there are new medicines for the common cold all the time.

On average 10 children will earn the wings, loose their battle, to cancer EACH DAY. Do you know ten children? Makes it more real, doesn’t it?

After Charli was diagnosed, I became a part of an online group for Neuroblastoma parents. It has been a wealth of knowledge, support, and help. However, each week I hear a heartbreaking story of a NB child loosing their life to this wicked disease. Can you imagine that? Childhood cancer doesn’t care where you live, what your name is, how much money you have, or what has happened in your past.

Childhood cancer does not care what color your skin is, your social status, your long-term plans, or how important you are.

I believe there is a reason that Charli has had to take this battle on. I am not 100% sure why God gave her this bridge to cross, but I know that He did it knowing that we would work as hard as we can to make a difference. This is why it is important that you not only read this…but you understand it.

Thank you for reading this story in its entirety. We cannot fully put into words what it is like to have a child with cancer, but we try to let you in on a part of our life that is not only difficult and painful, but also incredibly important for others to know about.

*for more information on Charli please visit www.brenda-chad.blogspot.com

THANK YOU!

Thank you for taking the time to read Charli's story. It is because of stories like hers that we are so thankful for what we have and what we often take for granted.

Approximately 46 hours

have passed since Allisyn last nursed! She is taking pretty well! She has asked for it a few times, but after being told no we went and found her cup of milk or water! I'm in a good amount of pain, but they say it only lasts a couple of days. I sure hope so, because I am not comfortable. Right now she actually asleep in her own bed! We are hoping she stays there awhile.

She is just growing in leaps in bounds. She is climbing up on everything. She is beginning to really enjoy sitting down and looking at books. She likes to color under close supervision of course. She loves trying to feed herself. She is getting better at being gentle with the cats. She looooves to be outside. She likes the front yard or the back yard with the dogs. She loves having her Aunt Katy around more often.

Today I got to go rescue Katy and her friend. They were at Hobby Lobby and they locked the keys in the car. I have AAA so I went up there and called to get them unlocked. I have so been there before and was very glad that I could help them out.

Michael is seriously talking about looking for a new job. He is not getting near the benefits he was getting and we are paying more for what we do get. Tie all that up with the drive and he is ready to move on.

Well, due to the discomfort I am feeling this is going to be pretty short. More to come later.

A lot to catch up on

and I am sure that I will leave stuff out, but that is what I get for not blogging more often.

We made it Vinita a week ago today to see my great-grandma who had fallen and shattered her hip. She is now in the nursing home, the last place she really wanted to be. The day we were there she was a little out of it because they had to give her some pain medicine. She was able to talk for a little bit, but my aunt said she was not as talkative and alert as she was the last time she was down. The latest reports that I have been getting is that she is doing better. She still isn't too happy to be in a nursing home, but there isn't too much that can be done about that unfortunately.

We had to miss seeing my grandma again. I was pretty bummed about that. She was having a rough day and was not feeling well. She had recently undergone her chemo treatment and had her shot that boosts her white blood cells. That is what they think really bothers her. Hopefully we will be able to make it back to see her soon.

Katy is back in Edmond at school. It is nice having her back closer to us. I am helping her get around until she can get a car. I think this semester has gotten off to a rough start so if you wouldn't mind keeping her in your prayers, that would be great. She turned her application at Hobby Lobby and we are anxiously awaiting a call back to see if she gets to proceed in the process.

My uncle Bobby and aunt Kim came down this weekend. Mom had located 4 free tickets to the OU pounding of N. Texas. It was Bob's first OU game at OU and he was in heaven! Him, Michael, and our friend Tim and Julie went and they got into the Sooner Fan Club Tailgate Party! They said it was really nice. They had a really good time. Kim, Katy, Alli, and I went shopping and got some gelato! It was a good time.

Alli has had a snotty nose since Friday. Michael has been battling a sore throat and sinus problems. I had some sinus pressure yesterday, but nothing too bad. Allisyn is cutting some more teeth. She skipped a few and I didn't notice the new ones further back until she was screaming the other day and I was able to look in her mouth. I think this is why we had some horrible days last week. Now that I know I keep an eye out and if her gums are swelling, we give her some Tylenol to help the pain.

Our weaning took a turn for the worse. She got onto what we were doing pretty quick. Last night though I reached my breaking point. She has gotten really lazy in her latch and it HURTS. So I gave in one time last night to her crying and then she BIT me! Hard. That was about 11 something probably. She has not nursed since. We had a time getting her to sleep, but then we slept until about 3:30 and we were up until abut 5:30. She finally fell asleep in the rocking chair. Today we rocked to sleep for her nap. We got in about 2 1/2 hour nap! It was nice and much needed.

We are really enjoying our church. They had a Marriage Matters Seminar last week. I did not get to go to all of it, but the sessions I did get to go to were very good. I'm excited that they will be back in February to one of the other congregations here in Edmond. I am also very excited about a Bible Study that the church is going to provide for young mothers! It will be on Wednesday morning and they will provide low cost child care for the hour!! I am really excited about this!! It starts on the 12th.

Well, I'm sure there is more that I have left out, but I can't think of anything at the moment!